Teenage kids and family rants

[00:00:00] Hello listeners, this is a short announcement. On the 28th of November, David and I will have our first live podcast, our first live show in Brighton.

[00:00:13] We're opening the doors at 6.30pm. We have all the details in the show loads. So join us on the 28th of November from 6.30pm in Brighton for our first ever Men Up Man Down live show.

[00:00:27] Welcome to the Man Up Man Down podcast presented by Volker Ballueder and David Pawsey. We discuss the pressures and challenges faced by men approaching middle age that we're often too embarrassed to speak about with our friends. You can find us online at www.manupdown.com

[00:00:48] Enjoy the show and don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review. Welcome to another episode of Man Up Man Down and this is just one with me and Volker, which again, a few people said that they quite enjoy the ones where it's just us talking.

[00:01:10] So here we go. Weird people out there right? They just like to listen to us talking. No you know, it's because we're such wise old men. You might be old yeah. You're saying I'm not wise. I didn't say that did I?

[00:01:28] No, but it's nice. It's nice to actually do a solo episode. We haven't done enough. You know, I don't want to say I missed them because I love interviewing guests and stuff, but it's just nice to reflect a little bit.

[00:01:39] And obviously, I mean we have a topic prepared for today. I mean, we have a topic. I haven't prepared anything yet. Well, you know, I thought you might want to spend the entire episode talking about how you beat me at Squash last weekend.

[00:01:53] Or did I mention that yet? No, I thought I'd see you later. I'd get in there first.

[00:02:00] Yeah. No, I thought it was good. You know, we, I mean, people probably think we hang out all the time right sitting at the pub and coming up with plans, but we don't see enough of it. We certainly don't come up with plans.

[00:02:14] Yeah. I mean, we actually don't spend enough time together, which is a shame because we we live so far away. We don't live far away, but you know, we just talked about it right football, you know, kids stuff, you know, work, you know, there's

[00:02:29] There's so much going on in life. It's, you know, so yeah, so we managed. Yeah, David and I managed to play squash. I haven't really played since uni, so I was a bit out of shape, but I still beat him.

[00:02:42] Well, you know, I just I just wanted to, you know, clearly make the point that was that was only the fourth time that I've ever played squash. So, you know, yeah, after your tennis career, right? You have seen me professional tennis career.

[00:02:58] It was close, right? It was what was it 11-1 or something like that.

[00:03:06] But no, it was it was I mean, like I well, I've been absolutely knackered this week. But so I'd like well fat football on the Friday night, which is seven aside, then you know, played you on the Saturday.

[00:03:20] And then Sunday I played 11 aside with the man V fat guys. And yeah, this week I've just been absolutely knackered to be honest, I changed my exercise routine.

[00:03:31] I know it's not the topic of today exercise, but I changed my exercise routine this last couple months because the way my wife goes to work in the morning, the way the kids go get up in the morning and stuff.

[00:03:41] I decided, you know what? I'm going to go to the gym every single morning. But instead of going an hour and a half or doing weights and then go for run and stuff, I just do half an hour each morning.

[00:03:51] And it works quite well. So I can do half an hour of weights, just focus on that going to the gym and out, you know, go for 5k run, do like, you know, half hour or 40 minutes of spinning class.

[00:04:04] But I am tired. But I also, you know, I mean, it's a time of recording as we like to say, you know, there's a lot of COVID going around.

[00:04:13] So my youngest had COVID, a lot of my friends locally had COVID. I haven't tested it. I feel fine, but there's something lurking, right?

[00:04:21] I mean, we find it over to winter, if I say finally, but I think it's good if it gets a bit colder and some of these germs get killed off and stuff, you know, and we, yeah, we all get used to the seasons again, if we have a season, who knows.

[00:04:37] Oh, yeah. Well, you know, that's the thing is obviously the Sunday just gone. I think it was like 24 degrees, you know, that's just not right. Well, you know, not quite the middle of October, but yeah. But yeah, global warming isn't isn't the topic of discussion or squash.

[00:04:55] The topic of discussion for today is when your babies grow up. And I think this is quite, you know, one that I'm experiencing at the moment, Oscar my youngest he will be starting secondary school next year so we've got all the fun of the secondary school visits.

[00:05:16] And yesterday it was this harvest festival. And you know, I sort of I went along. I mean, and I'm I don't know if I've been to every single one, but I've always made an effort. But you know, this would have been if I had been to every single one that both Amelia and Oscar were there for it would have been my 10th harvest festival.

[00:05:40] And you know, it's sort of, well, it's yeah just sort of that realization that you know a sort of stage of life has gone.

[00:05:51] And because the church where they have it is just sort of a walk, walk from the school, basically like the oldest children hold hands with the youngest children to walk them in.

[00:06:04] And like Oscar walked in, he had this tiny little girl and she was kind of sucking her thumb and it was like my God, you know, I can't believe that he was that young at some point.

[00:06:16] And my daughter's now 14. And with her, you know, she's well she's obviously well year nine at school. And yeah, I guess it's been quite a big sort of coming to terms with her becoming you know, a woman, sort of physically, certainly.

[00:06:39] But yeah, you know, obviously, you know, sort of discussions around sex and drugs and alcohol. Because you know, obviously they have to sit me down and tell me that I need to sort my life out.

[00:06:53] But no, obviously that that is the age when you know, well they stop being babies and adulthood is sort of, well, they certainly feel they're adults.

[00:07:08] But I guess we still see them as babies. I mean, I know that you're slightly sort of ahead of me in dealing with with, you know, some of these issues.

[00:07:17] Not not necessarily right. I mean, all kids as you know, very similar age, I think. I mean, I'm curious why you asked you that actually what's the place wash?

[00:07:28] And I don't remember the answer. I don't know if you want to discuss it publicly but why, why doesn't your son go to the same school as your oldest daughter? Yeah, it's enough we're going to get into a libelous territory. I don't know if you've done it.

[00:07:44] So yeah, I mean, reasons not to okay. Well, no, I mean, I think, you know, sort of historically pretty much, you know, all the children from their school would go to one of two secondary schools in the nearest town.

[00:08:04] And I think, well, a and again, you know, my sort of daughter was, oh, her last year of second of sorry, primary school was, you know, during lockdown.

[00:08:17] I mean, essentially like going from a small village school going to secondary school, you know, albeit one that had always had a good reputation. Yeah, you know, it's just like some of the stories he's come back with and sort of took well long story short.

[00:08:40] Like this in this year of the year six is, you know, they're all it seems like they're all pretty much going to a different school.

[00:08:49] So I guess we're sort of now perhaps, you know, I mean, if there's a school bus, then it doesn't really make much difference if they're going different schools. Also, sort of the school that my daughter goes to they have like an upper or lower and an upper.

[00:09:05] So if he does go to that school, he'll be going into lower when she goes to upper. So they wouldn't be on the same site anyway. So the reason I'm asking and you know, I appreciate you don't want to go into greater details. Yes.

[00:09:18] When one of the reasons we move to to has sex where we are right and the center of the universe also an illness right. So has sex is having I think one of the third best schools in the county allegedly secondary schools.

[00:09:33] And we were very, you know, we made sure we in the catchment area and then you know, obviously the catchment area grows and it changes over time.

[00:09:42] And so we were glad once once the oldest was in we were glad the second one, you know, could could go to that school as well. Yeah. You know, so but I appreciate if you if you have problems with it.

[00:09:51] And again, because my kids are completely different and we touched on that. And you know, again, I don't want to go into too much detail. You know, we're not even sure if it's a best school for the youngest right. Yeah.

[00:10:05] But and that's that's the thing right you need to you need to do whatever is best. And they also two houses I mentioned that to you on Sunday as well. Two houses for sale at our road in the catchment area.

[00:10:15] I don't get any commission but I would like to have good neighbors. I always say that. Well, I'm glad glad that you put me in the category of a good neighbor. I didn't offer it to you did I?

[00:10:29] I just thought I put it out for the listeners here. Oh, right. Okay. No, I would, you know, it's it's normally houses in our road, you know, and I would say that, you know, gets snapped up really, really, really quickly.

[00:10:43] It's just not a buyers sellers market at some moment. But it's interesting how they, you know, I mean, with kids right and that's that is a topic I think with we're talking about. I've talked about that in the previous podcast right.

[00:10:56] There's a first few years right where we're always a bit like, you know, I didn't know what to do with the kids and stuff. Now, now they're growing up now they becoming teenagers right or they are teenagers minor 14 and 12 right soon 15.

[00:11:10] So my my oldest just had had a mate's birthday party where who turned 15 right so it's that age category. You know, bless him he plays football four times a week. Right. He has football games towards the weekend.

[00:11:23] You know, if he can he goes to the gym with me, you know, he's he's like really active some of, you know, his his age group there they're vaping and smoking and he hates that. So I'm really lucky. If I think back when I was 15, I was smoking.

[00:11:41] I think I started when I was 14 in the bit drinking I think definitely I was terrible. In that sense, I'm really lucky and you know, really blessed. Well, it's day like that. I do not know or we don't know right.

[00:11:56] And you know, they're getting to that age where they have their first girlfriend and I think last year Halloween there was a girlfriend there that, you know, carved a picture of her.

[00:12:04] She was with the pumpkins with us and I didn't know what to say to a 14 year old girl. You know, all new learning for me as well. Right. And it's great. It's great to see that and it's great.

[00:12:18] What I really find great once they got to the age of, I don't know, 10 or whatever is I can talk to them. I can talk to them man to man. Right. I'm not saying they're grown ups, but they start getting things.

[00:12:34] You know, so I can talk to them about jobs. I can talk about them. Talk to them about hobbies. I can talk about women. Right. We can have you know, the other day at dinner, don't want to single anyone out here, but my youngest.

[00:12:49] I don't know what his common was and I said, I said, you know, did you kiss a girl or something like that? And he says, no, no.

[00:12:57] And you know, and I said, oh, you have to be, I don't know how we came up with it, but I pretty much said, you know, if you ever have sex with a girl, you want to use the condom because I don't want to be granted yet.

[00:13:07] And he goes like, I'm not going to go do that until I'm 22. He said, right? And I'm like, blimey, you know, you will regret ever saying that. It's gonna change. But he is at the beginning of puberty. Right.

[00:13:23] And it's just, it's just sweet to see that, you know, that there is an awareness and I guess with them having having access to the internet, right? And call it YouTube, call it you porn, you know, that I didn't have access to that, right? Yeah.

[00:13:40] My sex education was sticky penthouse and stuff. We found somewhere someone got from an older brother or something, right? Yeah. And these days, you just Google stuff. Yeah. They don't know incognito browsing yet.

[00:13:56] So it's good to know what they're actually doing so we can, you know, you can control it. So there is a control, but there isn't a control and I, you know, and I know, you know, I don't want to talk about porn. Maybe that's something for another episode.

[00:14:09] But, you know, I mean, we talk about porn addiction and porn being really bad, et cetera. But I think from a, from an educational point of view, right? You know, I don't want to say it's good for teenagers to watch porn, but it makes it easier, right?

[00:14:24] Because of it. The downside, of course, is that there are the bad things in the internet including sexual stuff, right? But like, you know, that shouldn't be there. Yeah. So yeah, teenage life, I think it's a bit easier than when we were growing up to be a mist.

[00:14:39] I mean, that's, that's, yeah, I don't know. I don't think I'd want to be growing up now. Well, you know, I've got like photos of, you know, me and my mates out and about.

[00:14:52] And I think my mum sort of found them there, you know, pictures of me smoking and stuff. But yeah, just sort of think like where, you know, now I was like, um, so I'm going to massively lower the tone now.

[00:15:05] But what like, what are my, uh, what are my friends? What would it be this thing? And it's basically like a young couple snogging, snogging. Is that a term the kids these days?

[00:15:19] But you know, passionately kissing at a nightclub and obviously one, well, they're one of them or both of them have had a lot to drink. Basically as they're kissing, one of them is sick.

[00:15:31] And, you know, and it's that's, and well, you know, I'm like, I, I remember sort of it never happened to me. But I remember sort of school friends talking about similar incidents or, you know, I might have seen it in a club. But you know, that's the thing.

[00:15:49] If you were there, you saw it. If you weren't, you didn't. Whereas now, you know, that is like all over the internet.

[00:15:57] And yeah, I don't know if you saw recently, but again, there was that viral video of Flight 2 Ibiza where like a couple went into the toilet and basically like the flight attendant opened it. And you know, you could see what they were up to.

[00:16:17] And I mean, yeah, you know, I guess. I'm sure about somewhere, I mean, please. The video. But yeah, you know, and I guess like that, you know, they, they were probably perhaps in their 20s or something. But, you know, you just sort of think somewhere there's a bad.

[00:16:33] It's just kind of like, oh my God, you know, was he or she done now? And well, and again, you know, it's that thing of if it's the father of the daughter, are they, you know, all so ashamed? Whereas if it's the son or gone, gone, my lad.

[00:16:50] You know, is I mean, is that sort of do you think you mean is it still a pride thing? Well, you know, like son, you've done well. Yes. Yeah. Whereas, you know, the door to all your disgrace, you know, I think that has changed.

[00:17:09] But see, I don't have a daughter. I can't speak from her. I, it's something that there was, if I say investigating, I don't know if that's the right word. But I was wondering, you know, is I never find out what a relationship would be with a daughter.

[00:17:26] And I also think I would to certain extent struggle with it. But that also makes it makes it good, right? Because I could learn from that. So in that sense, I don't know. But I don't think it's it's big high fives anymore.

[00:17:43] You know, like, oh son, you got late, right? And I don't think it's a walk of shame as, you know, it should it shouldn't be like use, you know, when I grew up, I mean, I was a fraternity student at university, right?

[00:17:55] I mean, you know, we've seen things. And in that sense, I mean, that was, you know, I'm not going to go into detail. Not at all. Not at all. How am I not even in the show notes.

[00:18:07] So what you did say is quite interesting because it's different these days, right? You don't we didn't have cameras. I mean, we had cameras and then four weeks later we get a picture, right? Yeah.

[00:18:21] But but we didn't storm into someone's bedroom, take a picture or video and then put it on social media and name and shame them. It's, you know, look, look, they just said sex. You know, and we discussed that in the, you know, this whole formal as well, right?

[00:18:37] You know, where people on social media and I don't know if they do that because I'm not as deep into social media. Go and go like, oh, look, I got late or, you know, look, look who I shagged or whatever.

[00:18:48] But I suppose it's it's easier these days, right? You take a picture and you can share it. We couldn't do that. You know, we might have taken a picture of someone we've been dating or going out with.

[00:19:01] But then, you know, if you got to picture four weeks later, you don't then scan it in and upload it to a website.

[00:19:09] Well, you know, and again, I think it, you know, it's the fact that, well, you know, if you sent an internet picture to your boyfriend at, you know, a young age, it's unlikely.

[00:19:21] Well, you know, at the end of the day, it's like if you split up, well, you know, you do, you do hear sort of lots of stories about, you know, revenge porn or, you know, posting. Well, yeah, sharing pictures of your ex-girlfriend and stuff.

[00:19:35] I think in a lot of ways I probably jump to, you know, the sort of catastrophize. Essentially, you know, it's almost like every time. For me, it says, well, you know, and she sort of had a few boyfriends.

[00:19:49] I think when she first started secondary school and I guess in my head, I'm like, oh my God, what are they getting up to?

[00:19:55] And but then it's like, well, actually at that age, they'll, you know, they'll just go into town and nine times out of 10, one of them will have a friend with them as well.

[00:20:08] So, you know, it's sort of, well, I guess, you know, you just sort of forget how, you know, innocent a lot of the time, you know, these relationships are. I mean, coming back to formal as well.

[00:20:22] So I like to speak about formal as a teenager because they all take talk and Instagram and got nowhere, right? We didn't have that. And that naturally puts pressure on the kids, right? As a teenager because I want to look like the Kardashians.

[00:20:40] I mean, hopefully not, but you know, or whoever they adore, you know, and I don't know if it's worse for women or not because for, I mean, my son likes a bodybuilder's right. And I suppose it's the same for for men in that sense.

[00:20:53] I mean, yeah, I definitely think there's, there's like more pressure on guys to sort of have a perfect physique at that age than there was on we, you know, when we were younger. Man Up, Man Down is sponsored by Well Doing.

[00:21:12] There's someone who has seen a counsellor for a number of years. I think their approach is great. They want you to find the mental health professional who is right for you.

[00:21:19] You can filter your search to highlight therapists with expertise where you need it or you can pay to use their personalised matching service.

[00:21:27] The people who run Well Doing are experts in mental wellbeing and they also have loads of posts and interviews to keep your mental health in good shape. Take a look at WellDoing.org. That's fine. I'm just, see, I'm worried.

[00:21:40] Am I worried? I think it's just a weird state. Yeah, kids get used to it. But I'm just thinking out loud, right? If I was 15 again, right? I would definitely upload cool pictures with me and cigarettes and stuff, right? Because I thought it was cool.

[00:21:56] And then you probably get comments from people saying, oh, you're not cool. Other people go like, oh, you look really cool or you look like, I don't know, do you want to or wherever, you know, we adore back in the days.

[00:22:07] On the other hand, would have uploaded pictures like that or not because I would have been afraid of my parents seeing it. Like I knew someone, he had to lock into all the social media accounts of his son. And I'm like, really? I don't want that.

[00:22:23] If I say I don't care, of course I care. But I don't want to see what my son gets up on social media, right? If he decides to send dick pics around and he sends dick pics around the song. It's not my dick.

[00:22:35] I mean, I don't think he would. But what I'm saying is, you know, as long as he, you know, behaves, you know, and obviously I don't think it's okay to send out dick pics, by the way. And just for the record. But you get the concept.

[00:22:54] I'd rather have him live his life and get him to learn from it. And if he makes some pics, whether it's on social media or on VLIVE, right? I always said to him, I said, then we work on it. Right? I mean, that's my parenting style, right?

[00:23:09] Like, I don't know if I still say that when he starts driving in a year or a year and a half time, right? And crashes the car. But, you know, I hope I will go like, you know, this part of learning.

[00:23:20] If you break something like the other day and, you know, very high regards from my son here. He put his monitor, his Xbox monitor into the car and, you know, fell over and broke and stuff.

[00:23:36] And he dealt with it really mature, you know, like I was seriously surprised. I at his age would have not been that calm. But he said, you know, I made a mistake. I broke it. I have to buy a new one.

[00:23:52] I have some savings and I did it. And he did pay it. And then, you know, I later gave him some money for it. Just a few weeks later. But it's like learning, right? And yeah, that's that.

[00:24:07] And, you know, in that sense, I'm quite proud of him to be able to do that, right? And if he breaks something else, I don't know, hopefully not a car or if he does some shitty stuff on social media.

[00:24:20] You know, as long as no one dies and no one got offended. So definitely no dick pics, by the way.

[00:24:28] But yeah, I mean, it is sort of interesting there that, you know, there are times when, yeah, you can be quite blown away by their, you know, their maturity.

[00:24:41] I mean, like Oscar, like there's something he said a few months ago, but that he was, you know, he's like, all I do is play Xbox. I go to school and I come home, placing more Xbox and then it's the same every day.

[00:24:56] He's like, so I'm going to, well, he's just like, I'm going to start like going for a walk around the village with my friend or go out of the park and well play.

[00:25:07] But, you know, I was just like that is, I said, you know, is such a mature attitude that, you know, he recognized something wasn't working. So the only way that he could, well, you know, make it work was to change things up.

[00:25:25] And, you know, I guess to balance the books that I, well, we need to talk about how proud I am of Amelia as well.

[00:25:32] I mean, she, she sort of, I think, because Oscar place football, there is, well for various reasons, you know, like, well, as I say, I now sort of help out with the coaching at the club.

[00:25:45] But, you know, that was sort of a bond that I had with my dad. So that, you know, that that's sort of a bond we have with Amelia. Well, she's always sort of done swimming lessons, but she's recently joined a swimming club.

[00:26:01] So she's sort of, I mean, she's only been there a couple of weeks, but I mean, like, A, she's sort of gone from swimming for one hour a week to now having like two one and a half hour sessions.

[00:26:12] But like also the other, the other week they were doing diving off the blocks and you know, and then which he sort of got a bit stressed about and got upset about.

[00:26:23] And but, you know, like, I don't know everyone there was like really sort of kind about it. And then sort of the next week she did it. Well, yeah, she did it without any issues.

[00:26:34] But, you know, I was like, well, A, you know, you conquered that fear when, you know, you sort of, I guess, you know, being scared about it would cause embarrassment but also getting upset about it in front of a lot of people you don't know could cause embarrassment.

[00:26:49] But, you know, she's like, well, still goes back. And, you know, and the fact is I'm like, well, the reason they're getting you to learn to dive off the blocks is because they, you know, they think you're good enough to start competing soon. Yeah.

[00:27:04] And we should be proud of what our kids do, even if they're not say, even if they're not mature, I shouldn't say that. But, you know, seeing some of the kids at football and in Collins here, right?

[00:27:14] And you do sometimes wonder, but, you know, you want to be proud naturally as a parent, you are proud. Right. And it's you also can't compare your two children either. If that makes you, you know, it's like, you know, if I say from, you know,

[00:27:32] from sports perspective, you know, they're chalk and cheese, right? From personality perspective, they're chalk and cheese, right? So for some to achieve something small, you know, it's a bigger achievement than if you have the same, if that makes sense.

[00:27:47] And that's what you always have to have to consider, right? At least I think that's important, right? And you have to praise, you know, if it says the small bins, you know, and encourage them and guide them through failure, right?

[00:27:59] Yeah. Well, you know, and I think the thing is it's, well, it's that, you know, the old adage of it's not how many times you get knocked down. It's how many times you get up. Got a tattoo about that.

[00:28:12] And then it's sort of again, the balance of giving them confidence, but also, you know, not instilling like a set mindset of, you know, oh, you're a genius and, you know, you don't need to work hard because you're so clever.

[00:28:26] So, yeah, you know, sometimes it sort of fits something like a talent, well, an audition for like a drama group or something.

[00:28:37] And, you know, there could be the person that gets the main part or, you know, but there could be the person that was absolutely petrified of like getting up on stage and getting a small part.

[00:28:47] You know, that's a bigger achievement than, you know, someone that is naturally confident and, you know, very gifted getting the main part. I don't know if that makes any sense. I don't know either. It's a beauty, we don't need to make sense, right?

[00:29:02] Because we're wumbling on here a little bit. And I guess that's, I hope that's what people like, right?

[00:29:06] That's just kind of like talking about, you know, laughing, talking about kids, talking about life and talking about, you know, like we went to the pub, we just sort of have a beer. As a matter of fact, I haven't been drinking a lot.

[00:29:18] And I think I mentioned that in a few podcasts as well. I was 45 days sober, which for me is a lot. And since I've gone back up, I've drank a lot less as well, which is quite nice. But again, coming back to teenage sugar, right?

[00:29:34] When do they start drinking? Right? And what example do you set, right? If I say six months ago, I used to have half a bottle of wine every night or most nights, not every night, of course. Now I don't.

[00:29:48] And I showcase them how you can lose half a stone or stone within like three months. You know, you're setting an example constantly, you know, deliberately or undiliberately, right?

[00:29:59] Every time you shout at your wife or she shouts at you, of course, which never happens in our household, then it's like, you know, you're setting an example. Right?

[00:30:12] You know, the other day, yesterday actually, I had a bit of a hissy fit because I bought a broadband router and I had to call the customer service.

[00:30:24] And it was an Indian call center, you know, and as much as I like my Indian fellows, you know, Indian call centers don't have the best reputation. And the lady on the other line clearly didn't know what she was talking about.

[00:30:35] So I had a big rant about it. And I'm like, yeah, it's not the best example I'm setting here, right? You know, morning about Indian call centers because they're also very good in the call centers out there.

[00:30:45] You know, and I've worked with a lot of very talented people from India. It's nothing to do with this people of India. But you know, these small things that pick up on that. Yeah, yeah, pick up on that right?

[00:30:56] And it's something to be careful to to mellow it out a bit, right? And then explaining why I was annoyed and incompetence of that company is ridiculous. But anyway, let's have that. We should do a customer service one. You wouldn't even have to say anything David.

[00:31:14] I can fill two episodes just on customer service. Oh, I've got plenty of customer service and it could take but I could bring to the table. Exactly. I just had to chase the company for refund or our system didn't automatically give you a refund.

[00:31:31] I need to look into that. Oh, no shit Sherlock. Just get me my money. I don't care what your back end system did or didn't do just get me my money across. We need to look into that. Yeah, anyway, coming back to the topic.

[00:31:46] I mean, you know, when you sort of talk about drinking, I mean, I think that's well, I mean, well, when we were reading, we let Amelia have a can of a slider. I should say this is aren't listening. Probably it's very important.

[00:32:00] But anyway, anyway, she was with the meal. So, you know, it wasn't talking about how my mind goes to the extreme. So he is like, I'm going to say and so is for a sleepover.

[00:32:13] And if it's someone I don't know that well, which again, you know, has been the case of secondary school. It's like, you don't really know the families or, you know, the parents as well as, you know, when we were at the primary school,

[00:32:26] you know, and well, so like Alicia is like, oh, well, I didn't start drinking till I was well, you know, 15, 16. So we don't need to worry about it just because that's when you started that doesn't, you know, and, you know, and again, it's almost like, well,

[00:32:44] especially if they're friends with someone who's got older siblings who, you know, could be like 18, you know, or older. Then, you know, it's almost like that family sort of well, even if the parents aren't at all. That's an older sibling that's potentially could be buying alcohol.

[00:33:06] But also, you know, it's sort of where we might be. What if we had some amelior friends around? You know, we might not necessarily be happy. You know, we'd be like no, no drinking.

[00:33:18] It's like someone else's parents might be like, oh, well, you know, we don't see any arm if they're here and we've got keeping an eye on them if they have like two or three cans cider.

[00:33:29] And you know, it's, yeah, it's just that thing that obviously everyone has different sort of boundaries. And again, you know, and sort of, well, me for example, you know, we live right near Tully's farm. I don't know if you've heard of the shocktoberfest. No, I haven't.

[00:33:50] I thought of the ball fest. Obviously it's a real thing. But yeah, I mean, it's quite a big thing. I mean, like Jonathan Ross is a big patron.

[00:34:00] But yeah, so you know, my daughter's like, oh, well, you know, all my friends are going and I'll be basically she got into a bit of trouble for something recently. And she's like, oh, because it, well, I think it was 16 plus, but then they changed it.

[00:34:16] So I think on certain days under 16s can go. Yeah. And you know, she's like, oh, you know, they've changed it so I can go and I'm like, well, no, because you know, you're in trouble.

[00:34:27] So if you hadn't got into trouble, then yes, I might have said you can go. But and she's like, oh, but everyone got a letter home about that.

[00:34:37] And it's like, well, hey, I don't believe that because, you know, it was, it was quite specific about what was basically about punctuality and lessons. And, you know, it's very specific about the lessons that she'd sort of been late for.

[00:34:52] But yeah, you know, it's sort of that thing of like, well, if one of her friends got a letter, her parents might not be that bothered. So, you know, they're like, yeah, you can go to Tully's farm to the, you know, shock tape of that.

[00:35:05] And, you know, and it's that thing of, oh, yeah, constantly of like, oh, am I being too harsh? But at the same time, you know, you try to instill values and, you know, and boundaries.

[00:35:18] And, you know, I think the big one for me is just kind of learning that you've got to earn things. And again, you know, we're sort of, we're very, you know, in a lot more privileged sort of position than, than, you know, how I grew up.

[00:35:35] So on one hand, you're like, well, I want to treat them by the same time. It's kind of like using the exact monitor. You know, you sort of think, well, we could afford just to buy another one. But there's not a point. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:53] And, you know, and then it's like, well, if they're sort of making an effort to earn money or save up, then you're like, I will actually, you've seen that they have learned that lesson. So then you reward them.

[00:36:06] But, but it's interesting what you said because we have a, we have a parents group as well and say my last example. And they went out on their bikes at night the other day.

[00:36:17] So they were due to come home, I think at nine ish, 10 ish, which we went to Keenon. Then I said to the other parents, everyone else, okay, we said, I never got a reply from the other parents, right?

[00:36:29] Because you're trying to level it out a bit that you say, okay, you know, if they say that, they see that and the kids play against you, right? And he can go, he can go.

[00:36:38] Yeah. It happened that night that we got a text and from our son saying, you know, it looks like no one else is going home yet. So someone else could take the bike later or, you know, I could go home now or whatever.

[00:36:50] And my answer was, you need to decide what's best for you. Right? It's your decision, right? I'm not there with you. So you need to make your best judgment call. And again, this is my parenting style, right?

[00:37:04] And I said, you know, I had a glass of wine that night. So I said, I can't come and pick you up, right? If you think you need to come home and leave your bike with someone else, you know, and pick it up tomorrow, then do that.

[00:37:18] That's the decision you want to make. Don't worry about the bike kind of thing. You know, worry about getting home. I said, do you want me to walk towards you? Do you want me to get a taxi and pick you up, right? They're options here, right?

[00:37:31] Because I didn't know, you know, I was seeing this train. I was in distress. Was he not in distress? Was he just worried about coming home late? If everything was fine, he wasn't in distress and anything, right? But my reaction was, you decide, right?

[00:37:45] I can't make that decision for you, right? You decide what's best for you. Everything else we sought out afterwards. Because you're coming to an age now where you need to start making decisions. And all they say with, you know, teenager breakings don't work like adult brains, right?

[00:38:00] And then of course they don't. But we're coming to an age now with our children where they need to make their own decisions. You know, we can't constantly make decisions for them. And yes, I might not be happy him coming home at 10 o'clock at night in the dark.

[00:38:15] But if he, I don't know, is with friends, if he has a light on his bike, you know, if they share a taxi or whatever the case might be, right? Then that's okay.

[00:38:25] And the advantage of us parents compared to my parents is we have phones, we can track them. Right? I can see it at any point in time where he is. My parents didn't have a clue.

[00:38:40] My mom said when I had my motorbike, you know, she was awake at night at Laos home because she was so worried. And I never understood why. I do now, but now I can track.

[00:38:53] You know, I know exactly where they are and they happily let me track them. And that gives me some comfort. It doesn't make the situation any better.

[00:39:04] But then you need to, you know, it's probably the theme I'm trying to hammer down is you have to let him go. You know, you have to trust him. You know, and of course he got to make mistakes. Right?

[00:39:18] And he's going to come home drunk one day or, you know, maybe he tries some cigarettes or whatever the case might be. It's not going to be the end of the world. Right? So he doesn't turn out like me when I was at age. You'll be fine.

[00:39:31] Well, you know, he seemed to have turned out semi-alright focus. Yeah, exactly. I'm not too bad, right? But it's one of those things and that's the beauty of parenthood, I think. But I'm 100% with you. You know, this whole spoiling, right?

[00:39:48] It's like let's use the money twice an example, right? And that could be again, in touch with we haven't had broken phones. We haven't had stolen or broken laptops at school, these kind of things, right? Which is also the reasons I buy cheaper phones for the kids, right?

[00:40:01] I don't buy my kids iPhones. I always said if you want an Apple product, burn it, right? To cut the grass, to the paper rounds or whatever you want to do. Don't, you know, don't expect me to cash out on a brand new phone.

[00:40:14] And I know some parents do that and I'm not here to judge other parents. They do that for whatever other reasons, right? And they would have them. One's listening and buys their kids iPhones. That's fine, right? You will have a reason for it.

[00:40:29] I'm not judging anyone that does. But I personally think for me, I think it's wrong. I don't want that for my children, right? I never got enough money to put a brand new car in front of them when they turn 18, right?

[00:40:43] No, no, I think it's a good idea. But if other people do, that's fine. I'm not talking to anyone here. So just want to make sure of that as well. I just don't want people to complain about it.

[00:40:55] You know, because everyone has a different opinion and this is important. This is good. And that's how to your point as well in terms of your daughter drinking at other people's houses or people having different standards. We all have different standards. That makes us human, right?

[00:41:13] To be honest, I remember a 16th birthday party where I was sitting with my mate's dad smoking his cigarette. And drinking beer until three o'clock in the morning. And I had great fun.

[00:41:23] And I thought he was a really cool dad because my dad never did that with me. A, my dad wouldn't smoke, B, my dad wouldn't go to the pub with me.

[00:41:30] And I always thought that's weird because you want to get out and want to be in the pub, that's cool. Now I'm my dad's age, I mean comparison, I'm not my dad's 80 yet.

[00:41:39] I don't like to go to the pub as often as I did when I was 15, right? I know I understand it, but my dad never explained it to me. But maybe he didn't know because it's a different generation that didn't ask as many questions.

[00:41:54] And he said it to me. But in terms of the standards, yeah, absolutely. Barry last comment is around drinking, right? Obviously, I used to drink when I was 15. I don't think it's a problem for children to have a drink at home and getting used to alcohol.

[00:42:14] And that sounds really terrible, so don't misinterpret that. But if you teach them early that alcohol is available and it's nothing bad, they're less likely to go like, oh, this is something special I need to drink.

[00:42:26] They don't have this spurch to drink, hoping that's what's going to happen. So making it less attractive to them. So anyway, so I could go on and on here now, right? But there's so many topics.

[00:42:37] There's so many topics, SSA, alcohol and money and how you bring up your children. And teenagers will always be teenagers and that's good. That's how they discover life. I think that's the thing. So don't be too harsh with them and don't spoil it too much either.

[00:42:54] But anyway, each to their own SSA. Just try and be more light and invoker with a perfect example of how to bring up children. If you knew. I better get them out of the cage. They've been in there for a while. That's Arnie I was talking about.

[00:43:14] Right, OK. But yeah, great to chat, David. Yep, and well, look forward to the game of squash and the next episode. Cheers.